Photo credit: canstockphoto.comI had the opportunity to attend Charlie Appelstein’s training: “No Such Thing as a Bad Kid” in December 2011. It reminds me of my catch phrase, “There is no such thing as a bad cookie; only a bad recipe.
The sub-title of his training is:
The power of a strength-based approach in reshaping the lives of at-risk children, youth, and families.
I believe fellow Recreational Therapists would enjoy his training because it is a “strength-based,” which gives validation to what we, Recreational Therapists do: Help people to build on their strengths.
Here is a review of the training:
- Give every child love and respect.
- Teach the child new skills.
- Give a kid a high-five!
Here is a hint: when a child feels better they’ll use skills better.
Danny P. insert: Many Rec. Therapy interventions help a child to feel better!
Every child needs at least one adult who thinks she (or he) is terrific. Let a child know this.
- Children must practice skills to get better at them.
- Mr. Appelstein presented a quote:
“self-doubt kills ability” and he argued that “hope is humanity’s fuel.
Mr. Appelstein claims that our job is fill them up. This reminds me of Sean Covey’s Personal Bank Account (BPA). Covey in his (1998) book, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Teens, explains a PBA as doing good deeds. When I do something nice I give one credit to another person’s PBA, but I also get one credit in my own PBA! That is a win-win!
This concept is a lot like Tom Rath, Mary Reckmeyer, and Maurie J. Mannin’s (2009) picture book for children titled, “How Full is Your Bucket?” Here is the concept. All people have an invisible bucket. They can help raise another person’s bucket by doing nice things and giving compliments (authentically, of course). Plus there is a benefit. By filling another person’s bucket, I’d also fill my own personal bucket.
- A person once told me that she thought all the Recreational Therapists she knew were extremely positive. I imagine it is because they make a living by “filling buckets” and as a result their own bucket is pretty full (most of the time).
- Mr. Appelstein argued that there is an epidemic in our society of kids without friends. He also claims that this is even worse than bullying. This is a big problem. We, Recreational Therapists are trained and knowledgably about the benefits of social support systems. In fact Recreational Therapists have often been referred to as “Applied Social Psychologists.”
Here are the three things Mr. Appelstein said: that are needed for making friends:
a.) Social accommodation
b.) Social subordination
c.) Give up ego-centrism
In a nutshell, a child must learn social skills needed for making friends, including: compromising, cooperation, sharing, taking turns, not being self-centered, and thinking about others.
My children’s book, “Building Character with Sam, Izzy, & Many Other Dogs” attempts to teach these similar skills to children using pictures of colorful animals.
I also have a fun little e-book titled, “Building social skills through Activities.” It may be useful for people who teach social skills (friendship skills) to children.
You can download it for FREE at this link: http://www.dannypettry.com/ebook_social_skills.pdf
Mr. Appelstein argued that the kids need more activity in life! I loved this statement (being a Recreational Therapist)!
He recommended board games. He said it is a good thing to lose games on purpose to allow the child to win! Good tip. I’ve already practiced it. When the child has built up her (or his) self-confidence then it will be okay to win a game now and then.
I also have a fun-filled little e-book titled, “Learning About Leisure through Activities.”
People who work with children may want to download this e-book for FREE at my link here: http://www.dannypettry.com/ebook_leisure.pdf
- Mr. Appelstein said that lecturing children won’t work. He argues that we must give the child a reason to feel good.
- His training reminded me a lot of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you treat a person like he is smart then he’ll act smart. Treat him like he is bad and he’ll act in ways that are not-so-good. See how I rephrased “bad” to end that sentence with the word “good.”
- Mr. Appelstein gave a hand-out with ways to re-word labels in a more positive focus. This is really important for the self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of saying a child is “resistant,” reframe it as the child is being “cautious.”
- I do daily goal-planning with adolescent teens. Each group member gets an opportunity to share aloud one thing she (or he) can do to make her (or his) day more positive. A lot of children will say, “not to do XYZ.” I have them re-word their goal. Instead of saying what they’re not going to do, to say what they will do instead in order to end on a positive.
Example: I will not lie today. Reframed: I’ll do my best to be honest and trustworthy today. - Mr. Appelstein said that “in 20-years they’ll remember how I made them FEEL”. Positive emotions are key here. Think about it for yourself. Can you remember the details of your elementary school teachers? I know their names, but wouldn’t be able to pick them out in a crowd today (except for the ones who I’ve seen regularly over the years). But I can remember school years that felt good and felt bad in relation to the teachers.
- Mr. Appelstein reminded us that “My attitude is my choice.” And of course, your attitude is your choice. It is a choice you make when you walk in the doors at your place of employment.
- Kids need to see adults who have a positive attitude. They need a person who cares for them.
- I really enjoyed Mr. Appelstein’s short-fictional story: Imagine you’re about to have heart surgery and the surgeon says he is really angry and mad. He’s had a bad day. He is cussing the nurse. Slamming papers, arguing and complaining about how much he hates his job. And by the way, are you ready to get started with the surgery? Laugh aloud. I wouldn’t be.
- One of my professors in graduate school had said that counseling is a lot like surgery. The person opens up her (or his) inner most deep thoughts and feelings. It is very important for the counselor to be trained in counseling to assure best quality services.
We are open-soul providers much like a heart surgeon. Our job is important.
Will the child turn out effective? It is probability. None of us know. That is one reason why there are so many counseling theories. There is too much about life to have one solid theory. But in the end, Mr. Appelstein said that we must ask ourselves a very important question at the end of the day: Did I behave well? Did I do my best? - Mr. Appelstein argued that a child is doing their best with the skills they have. They’d do better if they had the skills. Mr. Appelstein reminds us to get mad at the child’s “choice” and not the “kid.” We have a responsibility to teach the child effective skills. Mr. Appelstein highly recommends Ross Greene's (2005) book, “The Explosive Child.” This book has three ways of dealing with a child:
A.) Force the child to comply
B.) Work with the child to find a solution
C.) Let the child choose
There are times when it may be appropriate to use choice. If a child is about to run into traffic or harm then choice A. is needed. Use choice C. If the child wants to wear a blue shirt instead of a red one. - Green’s book is really good. I’ve created a full self-study course based on Green’s text for Recreational Therapists and other professoinals. It is 5 clock hours of cont. ed. You can learn about it here: http://dannypettry.blogspot.com/2011/05/new-course-alert.html
More Mr. Appelstein reminders:
- • Let the child know that we are really lucky to have her (or him).
- • Let the child know she (or he) is a winner!
- • They are all “A” Kids. There are no “B” kids.
- • They’re human. They’ll make mistakes.
- • Kids are cautions because they’re afraid.
- • Road blocks is his ways of redefining a learning disability. This just means the child might have to start early. Take a detour to get to the destination. I, Danny Pettry, can attest to that. I was a slow learner as a child. I’d had to take special reading classes, speech therapy, and had other 1:1 assistance with homework during my elementary and jr. high school years. Things didn’t come quickly to me, so I have a lot of empathy for children. As a result, I have learned to preserve and to keep trying.
- • Focus on what the child does right! Here is a good one Mr. Appelstein shared with us during the training. Some adult always jumped on the child for not closing doors. He changed it to focus on what the child does right by saying, “I sure like the way you open doors. You’re really good at it.” Of course, the child still needed to learn to close the door after leaving his house, but the child remembered the positive each time he opened the door, “hey, I’m good at opening doors.” And he became good at closing them, too. The child knew that comes next: Open door. Close door. Mr. Appelstein said this is a lot like 7X7. Without thinking we know the answer is ___. He argues that it is good to teach the child in fun ways so the answer automatically comes to mind. Mr. Appelstein has CDs. With fun lyrics. You can get it here: www.charliea.com. These rhymes remind me of the documentary Waiting for Superman, which argues that being a good teacher is a form of art. It showed teachers who used rhymes to teach teens at risk how to do math.
- • Squeeze the behavior into the appropriate place. A child could make distracting sounds during class. Let the child know he (or she) is very good at making these sounds. Give the child an appropriate time to do this, in example: have a band/ sound making session after classes at the end of the day. That would be the appropriate time.
- • Talk about the future in positive terms.
- • Cars get better every year. A 2012 Ford Mustang will be a lot better than a 1997 Ford Mustang. Each year the child is a new model. The child is equipped with new skills. A 2011 Danny P. is a lot better than a 1998 Danny P. (sorry for talking in third-person). Just an example.
- • Give the child multiple opportunities for success because these kids are often winning deprived.
- • Don’t take activities away as punishment. In example: taking away soccer would be bad because it allows the child to have physical fitness and social interaction. It allows the child to practice skills needed for a team. This could do more harm. Allow the child to have activities.
- • Say goodbye to fantasy that is not real and say hello to the new. Unfinished business is because of some kind of fantasy.
- • Give the child unconditional support. I, Danny P. am going to treat the child good despite their behaviors because I can only control my own actions and behaviors. I’m going to do my best to be a good role-model. I do my best to treat all people nice. Why do I treat you so special? Because you are.
- • Use humor. It is powerful and it increases learning. Many of us Rec. Therapists use humor therapy!
- • Don’t take it personal when a child says something. All of us are more likely to make mistakes when we are stressed.
- • I have to do my best even when I am at my worst.
Community support is very important. Mr. Appelstein argued that social support in the community is very important in the success of a child after he leaves a program or facility. We recreational therapists have a great opportunity to help the child to build bridges and connections with community resources.
Or visit his web-site here:
http://www.charliea.com/
And please check out my “Building Character” children’s book, audio C.D., and workbook for children here:
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